Not Enough Hours In The Day
Recently, I have been feeling pretty overwhelmed with things. Sorting the house out for a move being the least of my worries at the moment, with some other personal challenges thrown into the mix, it's hard to just sit and watch time pass you by, especially when you're as busy as I am at the moment. If you know me well, you're probably thinking 'what are you busy doing? You've just finished a degree, you should be chilling?' yeah well I was, but I'm fed up of doing that now. I'm looking for post grad work at the moment, as well as trying to keep up with my blog, be there for a friend who has only just had a baby, try and sort out some work holidays (which is hard in retail let me tell you!), prepping for a holiday to the USA, taking driving lessons, soon a test and also being supportive of my boyfriend whilst he completes an important chapter in his life.
Now I'm not saying any of these things are an inconvenience at all, they're all hugely important to me, some more than others. Others are personal and will take priority over work, job applications and unfortunately, my blog. But even though I know that there isn't significant pressure on me to get certain things done or to keep up with particular aspects of my life, I still feel overwhelmed at times, particularly when I look at everything I'm juggling all at once and I have this moment where everything just gets a bit too much.
I need more hours in the day basically. Mainly so I can spend more time with my boyfriend, he works during the day, often into the early evening. So because he works so hard (which I totally understand and am supportive of), it would be nice to spend more than a couple of hours in each other's company during the week. Seeing him always relieves an immense weight from my shoulders, he brings me back down to Earth, I feel happy, he definitely brings out the best in me.
Longer days would free up some time to relieve the pressure basically. 24 hours feels like a long enough time right? Or at least it did! I had the same feeling when I was at university, your work load just piles up and often, there's a lot that goes on outside of university which runs parallel to uni commitments. There would come a time, at least once a year, where everything would come to a head and I'd suffer with panic attacks. I just came to the conclusion that I wasn't cut out to deal with daily pressures of life, but I was wrong. I think I massively underestimated myself at the time, because I came out with a 2:1 despite suffering two family bereavements, a work misunderstanding, moving back home half way through my second year and commuting everyday on the train in my third one.
When I found out my results, I had an epiphany of sorts. I think I realised that I'm good at juggling things which are stressful. The best way for me to explain it to you, is by using the spinning plates analogy. Imagine you're spinning multiple plates at once, ensuring none of them fall and smash all over the floor. However, once in a while, that happens, but you deal with the mess and focus on the other plates that you still have spinning. If you have time, you replace the plate that smashed and get it spinning perfectly with the others.
Within the epiphany I had, as well as realising that I'm good at juggling stressful situations, I also realised that what I struggle with, is what happens when a situation I once had control over, is no longer in my control.
Taking it back to the plates, if you see one wobble, you race over and try and fix it, but it doesn't quite work, no matter how hard you try, and it falls and shatters into hundreds of little fragments. You stand and look at the mess that's been created and realise that all the effort you put into the keeping that plate spinning was to no avail and so you get upset or angry or a bit frustrated and now you're left with this mess. But while you're cleaning it up, other plates show signs of a wobble, so you tend to those in between clearing up the mess from the other plate, but before you know it, someone has replaced the plate that smashed and you suddenly have something else to deal with whilst still being busy dealing with the mess that you created. So you can see how things can get a little out of control in my head. But most of the time, I have control, I just don't deal with things too well when it starts to go wrong and I have no trouble in admitting that. At the end of the day, I'm only human.
Taking it back to the plates, if you see one wobble, you race over and try and fix it, but it doesn't quite work, no matter how hard you try, and it falls and shatters into hundreds of little fragments. You stand and look at the mess that's been created and realise that all the effort you put into the keeping that plate spinning was to no avail and so you get upset or angry or a bit frustrated and now you're left with this mess. But while you're cleaning it up, other plates show signs of a wobble, so you tend to those in between clearing up the mess from the other plate, but before you know it, someone has replaced the plate that smashed and you suddenly have something else to deal with whilst still being busy dealing with the mess that you created. So you can see how things can get a little out of control in my head. But most of the time, I have control, I just don't deal with things too well when it starts to go wrong and I have no trouble in admitting that. At the end of the day, I'm only human.
So that is why I'd like more hours in the day. To relieve some pressure, it would mean I'd have fewer plates to look after on a daily basis basically!
Sorry that this hasn't been the most uplifting of blog posts, but I just wanted to highlight that even though my life may seem great from the outside, don't get me wrong, I'm happy in myself and my life is good and I'm looking forward to new opportunities and chapters in my life, including going abroad with my boyfriend for the first time (in nearly two years), I am very content with life in general, but the life of a blogger isn't smooth sailing all the time, so bare with me if I miss a few days of posts. I won't be gone very long...promise!
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